Saturday, April 30, 2005
here i am/ once again / i'm torn into pieces...
i'm trying my very hardest 2 pretend nothing happened at all... now i understand how u feel, mei ying... i used 2 think, what e hell, u're crazy... having ur heart broken isn't tt bad... i mean, it's like there's juz a crack... well, i found out it isn't... it's like having ur heart torn out of ur chest, still beating, n stomped on continuously... i dun mean tt it's e other party who did it... it's juz e way things work... i guess tt's life 4 u... sigh... anyway, i had a surprising call frm an old fren 2day... my old neighbour, this guy frm england, called me when i juz got home frm swimming... Ryan (tt's his name) was 14 when he left... i was only abt 11 then... he has a little sister, Eliza, whom i always played with last time... she was only 4... we had fun 2gether... i remember i had a crush on him then... he was so cute... i was so sad when the whole family went back 2 e UK... anyway, i was quite stunned, since i hadn't spoken 2 ryan 4 such a long time already... i think 2 yrs... but he said tt eliza suddenly mentioned my name, so he decided 2 call e number his mom had 4 my hse (our parents r frens)... he wasn't really sure whether the number was still working but he gave it a try anyway... luckily, my mom had given his mom a call in dec '03, so he knew tt there was a 6 in front of e old number... yeah, so we talked 4 a short while, cos e charges r so expensive, exchanged email adds... reminising abt tt time when he bought a poster of e backstreet boys 4 me cos he knew i like them, n e time when eliza n i were playing near e pool (i had a pool in my backyard; my mom removed 4 yrs ago) n she accidentally fell in, n i went hysterical n screamed my lungs out, until ryan came out of his hse n hauled himself over e wall 2 save his little sis... he said i wldn't stop screaming until i saw tt eliza was ok... funny, i dun remember tt part... :p i seriously hope we stay in touch... it's really nice 2 meet up with old frens again... i tried 2 tan myself 2day whilst swimming... not very successful... i took such a long time arranging my position n settling down... e stupid sun went behind a building e minute i finally lay down on e deck chair... bloody fed up... i gave up n decided 2 go swimming... then this stupid old lady who looks abt 990 had 2 swim in my path, kick my arm with her bloody wrinkled prune of a foot, n still hv e audacity 2 glare at me as though i had kicked her... whatever, grannie... i hope she dropped her dentures 2 e bottom of e deep pool... alright, i gtg study 4 my bio test now... hate it... must pass at least 10/25... is ms foo nuts? she's super annoying... no wonder she's still a ms.... okie, now i'm really going... ciao...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 9:30 PM
uncle ling (my aunt's husband)... what big teeth u hv... all e better 2 eat more, it's a buffet dinner... :p
cheryl [I`m in love.] 6:53 AM
my eldest cousin, alvin... biggest rascal of e family
cheryl [I`m in love.] 6:52 AM
me n my dad... do i look better with/without glasses?
cheryl [I`m in love.] 6:51 AM
my mom n me at my grandad's dinner party
cheryl [I`m in love.] 6:50 AM
my aunt (dad's 2nd sis), uncle ling n e 3 rascals, samantha, sarah n alvin
cheryl [I`m in love.] 6:48 AM
hey not so near!
cheryl [I`m in love.] 6:46 AM
e bday girl... drumroll pls... my middle cousin, sarah!
cheryl [I`m in love.] 6:44 AM
getting e cake ready... naughty naughty,,, someone's sneaking food...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 6:43 AM
samantha... she's so cute!
cheryl [I`m in love.] 6:40 AM
my 2nd cousin elaine
cheryl [I`m in love.] 6:39 AM
sarah n her classmate at her bday party
cheryl [I`m in love.] 6:37 AM
me n my cousin sarah
cheryl [I`m in love.] 6:34 AM
my darling daddy!
cheryl [I`m in love.] 6:32 AM
Friday, April 29, 2005
thanks 2 u... now i get what i want...
is my life gonna be like this everyday? boring, mundane, dull... e vocabulary used 2 describe my life is too long 2 write here... sigh... i'm being such a drama queen... but i can't help it... this is truly e way i feel... i hv had an incredibly trying day, even though it was a short one... i feel like i need 2 be alone, at least 4 now... but at e same time, i need ppl around me 2 keep my mind off things... everyone sees me smiling n laughing... but they dunno how much pain i feel with each smile or laugh... i'm torn into pieces... i thought i was strong, tt i cld withstand anything, but i guess i'm not as strong as i thought... it's like a dagger plunging in2 my heart constantly... but i guess e pain will fade... juz a few more days... but it's not easy 2 get over it... ppl see me cheerful, but i'm hurting really bad... i'm screaming inside... i noe i said it was ok... but, well... i guess i'm not... n it isn't anyone's fault... really... i guess it's how everyone feels whenever this kinda thing happens... on to other more happy stuff... god, is xavier's friend gorgeous or what?! man, if only... ah, he's too perfect... what wld he see in a girl like me? i'm such a plain jane... but a girl can dream rite? well, i better go now... i'm so sleepy... nitez...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 8:54 PM
Thursday, April 28, 2005
life is like a box of chocolates... u never know what u're gonna get...
sigh... my day was lousy... i slept late yesterday, around 2.30am... so i've been walking around sch like a zombie... well, since yesterday, my life took a nose dive down 2 e depths of e ocean... but i know i'll be ok... man, i dunno wat 2 write... my brain is totally fried... i'm so tired... but i juz can't sleep... ugh. i feel terrible... well, abt my day... it only started getting better at e end of e day in sch... i spoke 2 xavier's cute fren 2day... man, is tt guy cute or what? i tell u, God did e right thing creating this boy... oh man... he's is juz drop dead gorgeous... pamela, no matter wat u say, he is still cute... n his nose isn't funny... it's nice... i wish i cld get 2 noe him more... hopefully xavier will hv some common sense in him 2 help out here n do a gd deed... like help me get 2 noe his fren better... who knows wat might happen nxt? altho i'm really afraid of rejection again... i've been rejected so many times, it's juz so painful... after awhile, some of e pain fades away... but some of it remains in e heart... n when u think back, everything juz torments u... tt's how i feel rite now... but time heals all wounds... so i noe i'll definitely heal... well, i hope tt wateva God has in store 4 me, it'll happen soon... n i hope it's something gd... it's not tt i'm desperate or anything... it's juz tt i've been waiting so long already... n i'm sick n tired of waiting... shitters... gtg now, my mom's coming up...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 10:42 PM
a load off my chest... now i feel much better...
well... i did it...i confessed my feelings 2 him... turns out he's not interested... but i guess it's ok... it kinda hurts a little... ah, now tt it's all over i think i can mention his name... or maybe i shldn't... he'll probably kill me... i think i'll keep his identity secret... but u know who u r... sigh... xavier introduced his cute fren christian 2 me 2day... man, xavier has really bad timing... 1, it was after pe, so i was messy sticky n smelly... 2, i was having a lousy morning cos i was moping around, so i wasn't really paying much attention... so many things were on my mind this morning, i seriously was behaving like a zombie... sigh... sorry 2 everyone in class 2day... i was behaving like a total nutcase... u guys must hv thought i was crazy... well, everything's cool now... so that's good... we're still frens... sigh... although i wish things had turned out a different way... oh well... God must hv other plans 4 me... i hope it's not 4 me 2 b a nun (shudder)...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 1:32 AM
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
boy, i think that i'm in love with u...
WOW. i had no idea i cld feel this way... is it love? i sure hope it is... he n i talked... sigh.... man, i think if we become a couple, i wld b e luckiest girl in e entire world... he juz makes me feel so warm n tingly inside... sigh... 2day was 1 of e best days ever... nothing can ever compare 2 2day... gosh... i'd juz give anything 2 relive 2day... sigh... i dunno wat 2 write now... i'm floating all e way up in e sky on cloud nine now... oh yes, pamela n xavier, good luck 4 ur rally tmr... dun worry, i'll definitely vote 4 u guys.... i'll support u all e way... remember, play on ur strengths, guys... all e best! okie, gtg now... got bloddy chinese hw 2 do... yuck.
cheryl [I`m in love.] 11:54 PM
Sunday, April 24, 2005
i feel good... i knew that i wld...
i don't believe
in e smile tt u leave me with
when u walk away &say goodbye
well i don't expect
e world 2 move under me but 4 god's sake could u try
i know tt u're true 2 me
u're always there, u say u care
i know tt u wanna b mine
where is ur heart
cos i don't really feel u
where is ur heart
what i really want is 2 believe u
is it so hard 2 give me what i need
i want ur heart 2 bleed
& tt's all i'm asking 4
where is ur heart?
i don't understand
ur love is so cold
it's always me who's reaching out 4ur hand
i always dreamed
tt love would be effortless
like a petal falling 2 e ground
a dreamer following his dream
where is ur heart
cos i don't really feel u
where is ur heart
what i really want is 2 believe u
is it so hard 2 give me what i need
i want ur heart 2 bleed
& tt's all i'm asking 4
where is ur heart?
it seem so much is left inside
but u can say anything
oh anytime u need
baby it's just u & me
i know tt u're true 2 me
u're always there, u say u care
i know tt u wanna be mine
where is ur heart
cos i don't really feel u
where is ur heart
what i really want is 2 believe u
is it so hard 2 give me what i need
i want ur heart 2 bleed
& tt's all i'm asking 4
where is ur heart?
kelly clarkson - where is your heart
sigh... i truly am in luv... with e guy i kept whining abt yesterday... he truly is something special... sigh... i spent e whole day moping around cos i kept thinking abt him... n a few minutes of chatting with him jz felt so good... man, i think i'm addicted... sigh... but i juz can't help it... went 2 my little cousin's bday party 2 day... she turns 8 2day... happy bday sarah! may all ur wishes n dreams come true! i hv pix 2 show everyone... but it'll hv 2 wait till i upload them... i've been too busy 2 do so 2day... well, so basically i was feeling sad n miserable e whole day untill abt an hr ago,,, now i feel all tingly n happy... yay! so i'm juz gonna go now... dream abt him some more... :p
cheryl [I`m in love.] 11:04 PM
me n samantha
cheryl [I`m in love.] 8:28 AM
me n samantha
cheryl [I`m in love.] 8:27 AM
my cute youngest cousin samantha
cheryl [I`m in love.] 8:26 AM
i'm confused... why why WHY...
why am i writing this at 1am in e morning? i'll tell u why... i'm bloody confused, tt's why... i juz realised something... someone who's always been my fren 4 a long time now, someone who makes me feel comfortable... well i've always kept my feelings 4 this person a secret... i nvr told anyone (except, mei ying of course)... sigh... i juz realised how much i like this guy... n no one, not even e cute guy in sch, can even compare... granted, this guy is not e best looking guy in e whole world, but it's his personality tt makes him stand out... sigh... i wish he wld make e 1st move... but so far nothing... i guess it'll be all up 2 me... cos he's kinda shy, i guess... oh man oh man... i dunno wat 2 do... sigh... he's younger than me though... but then again, since when was age ever an issue in love... sigh... i really like him so much... i dunno if he feels e same way abt me... but i kinda get a strong vibe tt he does (a little, anyway...)... wateva it is, it all boils down 2 me hving 2 come up with e courage 2 tell him exactly how i feel... mei ying gave me some advice... it's gd advice... i juz dunno how 2 put it into action... sigh... shit. my mom.
cheryl [I`m in love.] 1:12 AM
Saturday, April 23, 2005
hmm... what 2 write... i'm at a loss... ok here goes... i had a typical (aka boring) day... hung out at lawrence's place... he is such a lame ass... but so so funny... everytime i think of his face i juz wanna laugh... but this guy is juz one of e best ppl i hv ever gotten e honor of knowing... he's juz fantastic... god knows how i wld hv done 4 my 'O's if he didn't push me 2 get my work done... so lawrence, a tribute 2 ya... i salute u man... u're e greatest... thx 4 all u've done 4 me, especially cheering me up whenever i'm down... i noe i'm quite a pain in e ass (seldom), but without u, i dunno wat i wld hv done... alrighty... enough of all these mushy stuff... ewww... now my hair is juz standing... okie... so lisa, sorry 2 disappoint u, but zen juz doesn't make my heart thump 100x faster AT ALL... he is yucky 2 look at... dunno lah... definitely not my type... my ideal guy is someone sporty, good-looking, fit, fun-loving, kinda cheeky, spontaneous, outspoken, friendly, smiles alot... a certain somebody in sch fits this criteria... haha... zen juz looks like his idol is sylvester sim (4 those of u who hv been living under a rock 4 e past yr or so, sylvester sim is e Singapore Idol 1st runner up)... i talked on e phone with mei ying till 4am this morning... i was so sleepy but i hardly hv e chance 2 talk 2 my darling best fren nowaday, i dun mind sacrificing a little sleep... we had such a fun time reminising and talking abt e past, talking about crushes, ex-bfs... basically everything under e goddamn hot sun (which by e way is killing me...) mei ying, u're juz e greatest! i luv ya! u're always there 4 me when i need a shoulder 2 cry on... i hope we'll remain best frens 4eva... i dunno wat i'll do without u girl... thx 4 all e gd times... i really miss e times when we spent time 2gether almost every minute of e day... sigh... life is so unfair now tt we're separated... but i guess tt's juz e way life works... u can't hv everything gd in life... kk... i gtg eat something my mom shoved under my nose... it looks disgusting... ewww... i think i'm gonna puke... now tt i've properly grossed u guys out... signing off now... haha...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 9:23 PM
Friday, April 22, 2005
life gets better... take it 1 step at a time...
ah hoo... that's a sound someone makes when they're bored... which is exactly how i'm feeling now... boredom is deadly... i feel like dying now... my freakin aircon just went bust on me n i'm left roasting alive in my (very messy n untidy, not 2 mention boiling hot) room... honestly i'm slowly being stewed... oh gosh! my nose juz melted! haha... i'm so bloody lame... my little bro juz walked in... he's caught me at exactly e wrong time... i'm in such a cranky mood... in about 2.77 seconds, i'm gonna yell at him 2 get out n shut e door... yup... i'm a clairvoyant... i juz did precisely wat i predicted... you may ask why, if i'm feeling so bloody hot, do i still hv my door closed tightly, turning my room into a pressure cooker? wat do all teenagers need tt they dun get enough of? Privacy! so there u go... oh god... i've been walking around in sch 4 e entire day with a monstrous, hideous gargoyle of a pimple on my nose! oh e shame...! man, i hope no one noticed... wail... i hate puberty! lucky thing i didn't really see him 2day... only faraway glimpses... thank god... somebody said want 2 intro 2 me... but always never... sigh... anywayz... mei ying, congrats on finally getting ur braces off... bet u feel totally relieved of those instruments of torture... i noe i did... thank god i got those ugly metal stuff off b4 entering jc... sigh... my mom's yelling again... gtg now... b4 she skins me alive...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 6:16 PM
Thursday, April 21, 2005
zzzz... welcome 2 my life....
another day gone by... thank god... it's gonna b e weekend soon... yay! my mind's numb... i can't think... sigh... listening 2 ashlee simpson's 'LaLa' now... great song... mei ying, remember how this song makes a certain someone feel horny...? haha... ashlee's album is really great... especially track 5... 'love makes the world go round'... my all-time fave... anyway... moving right along... i didn't see alot of him 2day... sigh... god he is cute... but a certain somebody thinks his nose looks weird... which is so not true... sigh... lisa, if u read this, juz wanted 2 say tt i saw e guy u told me abt in ur class... all i can say is WOW!!!!!! if u like him go all out 4 him man... if u dun want him, i'm still single... haha... juz kidding... girl, if u get 2gether with him, u're truly gonna b e luckiest girl on e entire goddamn planet... haha... wonder wat zen will say then... anyway tt guy is 10000x better looking than zen... zen juz looks like a squashed tomato nxt 2 this guy... let me noe his name ok? i hate referring 2 him as 'tt guy'... hey guess what? i juz foundout i share e same bday as paris hilton, denise richards n michael jordan... no wonder my bball skills not bad... haha... i'm so bloody thick skin... sigh... alright, gtg do my stupid pw pi now... ciao!
cheryl [I`m in love.] 10:27 PM
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
life is definitely down in the dumps... or maybe it's just me...
i feel god awful... N i thought life was just getting better... sigh... got e stupid chem test tmr n i hvn't exactly studied 4 it... my mom's been nagging almost all day... seriously irritating... sigh... i seem 2 be sighing alot these days... sigh sigh sigh... i miss being in a secondary sch... so much more relaxed... why e hell did i choose 2 go 2 a jc? i must hv been completely n utterly bonkers... if i'd known jc life was gonna be similar 2 Hell, i wld hv gone 2 poly... sigh... plus i've got e stupid project work pi 2 touch up... i'm so sleepy, i practically need toothpicks 2 prop my lids up... sigh... looks like i'm gonna hv another late night... man, my eyes r so swollen n red... i hv humongous eye bags... oh no! i juz realised wat i look like! a raccoon! wail... alright... dramatics over now... gtg pretend i'm studying... otherwise i'm gonna get another screaming at... ciao...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 8:23 PM
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
open ur eyes n look at me!
he didn't look at me 2day... ok maybe he did... but he juz stared rite thru me, like i was invisible or something... god, sometimes i wish i was a guy... then i wldn't hv all this stupid lame ass problems... is he blind or what?! sigh... i guess i'm resigned 2 my fate... i'll probably become a nun... who knows? maybe 1 day, i'll be like those nuns in 'The Sound of Music'... "Reverend Mother, forgive me, for i hv sinned"... haha... i dun think i'll make a good nun though... i'll probably be late 4 prayers or something cos i 4got... i hv trouble remembering my own name sometimes... plus i dun think i'll look really good in a habit... admittedly, black is my fave color, n looks pretty good on me, if i do say so myself... my cousin juz called me up 2 whine abt some stupid guy she likes (i think it's e 117th one already)... here's how our convo was like(more or less) :
cuz: i like him so much, i cld juz die!
me (thinking): so why dun u already?! save me e trouble of strangling u with my bare hands...
me: aiyah... juz tell him u like him lah! or hint hint abit...
cuz (squealing like a stuck pig): cannot! what if he rejects me? i'll be so embarassed!
me (thinking): so what? like i care...
me: ok... i dunno lah... dun worry, he'll definitely fall 4 u...
cuz: really?! hmm... come 2 think of it, yeah! I am pretty enough, right?
me: yeah! of course!
me (thinking): yeah... u r pretty... NOT! just shut ur mouth, u donkey...
yeah well... that's pretty much it... okie... gtg... ciao!
cheryl [I`m in love.] 8:32 PM
Monday, April 18, 2005
maybe it's just another sad, lonely day...
sigh... man, today was majorly sucky... first, i had 2 wake up so freakin' early, juz cos my dad cldn't be bothered 2 make another trip 2 send me 2 sch... then, i was bloody all alone... THEN i went 2 e canteen n saw e guy i like (big whoop here)... AND he completely ignored me... argh! god, it was so frustrating...! i've got a ton of hw 2day... i tell u, teachers make it their personal mission 2 make our lives hell... already we hv so much 2 cope with... plus hw?! what is e world coming 2!? As teenagers, going through puberty is hard enough... sigh... imagine a world without hw n assignments n endless projects... (eyes glazing over) how perfect e world wld be! Just school without e lessons wld be e wildest thing ever... yeah right... (thought bubble bursting) like THAT'S ever gonna happen... great. my mom's yelling... okie... signing off here now...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 8:36 PM
Sunday, April 17, 2005
at last... my very own blog...
finally got down 2 getting my blog all set up...been talking abt it 4 ages but only did something abt it 2day...well mei ying u'll finally be able 2 read it... haha... i'm worried abt u girl... yeah well... yesterday was probably 1 of e best days of my (quite short and very very VERY pathetic) life... this guy (cannot reveal e name) i kinda hv a crush on kinda showed a little interest in me... haha... but seriously, guys r so hard 2 read... wat they say n mean r 2 entirely different things... sigh... hope tt wat i want will come true asap... been waiting 4 so long already... i really hate waiting... but no choice... Fate juz doesn't have it in 4 me... sigh... my workload's juz killing me... wish i cld go poly... mjc is so tough... but e guys there r cute.... haha... alrighty...signing off here now...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 10:41 PM
