Tuesday, May 31, 2005
tell me if it's wrong 2 love...
i dunno wat 2 feel now... someone juz told me tt this girl who's quite a close fren of mine likes my guy! ok fine, technically he's not my guy yet, but yeah well... i dunno if he likes her or not... cos i've seen them being quite friendly 2wards each other... around me, he seems so shy... sigh... i seriously hope tt he doesn't like her back... when i heard e news, my heart just sank... i tried 2 pretend it didn't bother me at all, but suddenly during math lecture, i felt so suffocated, i just cldn't breathe... sigh... my heart aches so much... i really really hope tt he likes me back... if only he wld give me a sign so i wld noe 4 sure... everything he does now seems so insignificant, yet at e same time, his gestures suggest he likes me too... sigh... i hate these guessing games... pamela, i read ur blog... dun worry, i'll always be ur fren k... i will nvr nvr be wat u wrote... i cldn't... frens 4eva! :p um... wat else 2 write... hmm... oh yeah! i will not, can not, MUST NOT commit e same mistakes i made in all my past experiences (mei ying, u noe wat i'm talking abt...) tt nvr got me anything other than a slap in e face... oh well... again, i hope n pray with all my heart tt e feelings i have 4 him will be reciprocated...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 11:18 PM
i'm back... finally...
great... i hate this stupid comp now... ever since my mom installed e stupid firewall crap, my comp has been acting all bonkers... sigh... life these past 2 weeks have certainly improved... i'm kinda interested in someone... hoping he will return the feelings... sigh... i hope this time it's for real... i really don't think my heart can take being smashed again... pls pls pls let this guy be THE ONE... i shall really cry if i'm rejected again... oh man... i really do hope the feeling is mutual... my close friends all think so... but i'm so afraid it might not be... look wat happened last time... sigh... he really is such a nice guy... i hope something will blossom... pls pls pls....
cheryl [I`m in love.] 12:57 AM
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
trying 2 be positive... failing positively miserably...
yup... that does it... my life is seriously going down e drain... it's like someone finished taking a bath after wallowing in mud n pulled e plughole from e drain... tt murky, icky water u see, is my life... as dark n yucky n gross as muddy water... i dun give a f*** anymore... it's pointless trying 2 psyche myself in2 believing tt my life is worth anything at all... i'm so busy n tired these days tt i dun even hv time 2 talk 2 my old frens, spend time with my family, n basically do all e things i love... sure, there're sacrifices 2 be made, but this is getting really ridiculous... i spend less than 4hrs a wk watching tv, i hardly hv time 2 use e comp now (this is like 1 of e rare moments i can use e comp...), i spend most of time studying everyday as hard as during e month b4 e 'O's, i get barely 5 hrs of sleep each day... e only time i can breathe a little easier is on e wkends, n even then, i hv a ton of hw 2 complete... i hope i can hv a breather once e june hols start...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 1:14 AM
Saturday, May 14, 2005
i'm screwed...
tmr's e parent teacher meeting tmr... i'm in deep shit now... all e teachers r all gonna talk crap abt me... n my mom is juz gonna believe wateva those assholes say... (4give e vulgarities... really pissed now, so i dun really give a fuck) sigh... i didn't go 4 e stupid chem remedial tt my dear IDIOT of a chem teacher suddenly decided 2 hv... i hope i won't get in any trouble... it's not like i can't study on my own... somebody pls answer this qn... WHEN E HELL IS CHEM SPA? i hv absolutely no freakin' idea.... great... i'm going around sch with my eyes shut... it's surprising i don't bang in2 walls wherever i go, 4 all i noe wat e heck is going on in sch... i try... it's not tt i dun... ARGH! teachers juz dun understand... it's not tt we students dun try or tt we're stupid... sometimes u hv 2 remember tt we r HUMANS too... n we need 2 EAT, SLEEP, SHIT, n RELAX... we're NOT ROBOTS! oh god... how I HATE SCHOOL now... i miss all e good old times in secondary school... where u only need 2 do like 2-3 hrs work after sch... now, i hv 2 study almost 24-7! so shit right! oh my god... i hate my life rite now...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 12:21 AM
Thursday, May 12, 2005
You Can't Hurry Love
I need love, love to ease my mind
I need to find, find someone to call mine
But mama said you can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take
I can't hurry love, no, you just have to wait
You've got to just, give it time
No matter how long it takes
But, How many heartaches must I stand
Before I find the love to let me live again
Right now the only thing that keeps me hanging on
When I feel my strength, yeah it's almost gone
I remember mama said
You can't hurry love
No you'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take
How long must I wait, how much more must I take
Before loneliness, will cause my heart, heart to break?
No, I can't bear to live my life alone
I grow impatient for a love to call my own
But when I feel that I, I can't go on
These precious words keep me hangin' on
I remember mama said you can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take
I can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
She said just, give it time
No matter how long it takes, gotta wait!
No love, love don't come easy
But I keep on waiting
Anticipating for that soft voice
To talk to me at night
For some tender arms to hold me tight
I keep waiting, I keep on waiting
But it ain't easy (it ain't easy)
When mama said
When mama said
You can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
She said, just give it time, no matter how long it takes
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take
Dixie Chicks - You Can't Hurry Love
i juz love this song... it's my new fave song... it's so inspiring... how true... this song holds so much meaning 4 me, since it totally applies 2 me... sigh...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 12:18 AM
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
this is the last time... too tired to care...
went home early 2day... didn't feel good... everyone thinks i'm bluffing but i'm not... i really dun feel well... my poor bro's sick too... suspected of mumps... i hope he's ok... sigh... oh well, 24 more days till i can rest abit... i hv 2 study during e june hols... juz imagine... sigh... i hate school... i dun mind staying home 2 study... i hate e tutorials... i dun understand crap, so i end up not knowing how 2 do my tutorials... SIGH.... i can't wait 4 e weekend... i hope i can skip e bloody business club thing tmr afternoon... i wanna come home n spend time with my family... i dunno why, but i've become closer 2 my family these few months... i guess it's cos we've all matured over time n we've juz grown 2 understand each other more... it feels good 2 be close 2 my family... at least now i can fully appreciate my family... sigh... my workload is killing me... i missed bio prac 2day so i probably hv 2 go 4 e make-up bio prac nxt wed... sigh... i feel so depressed... feel like crying everytime i think of how much work i hvn't done... dun get me wrong... sch is fun... it's juz e workload tt really sux... sigh... i'm gonna go now... got lots 2 do... sigh...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 11:29 PM
Saturday, May 07, 2005
i have no appeal 2 guys whatsoever... why? cos i'm fat, plain n ugly...
i'm telling u, rejection one at a time is ok... cos it gives u time 2 get over it... but 2 in a row plainly sux... but then i talked 2 mei ying yesterday... i thought abt it n i think it's ok... i mean he's not e only fish in e ocean... but he is a rainbow trout amongst e tuna... sigh... i feel like god really wants me 2 remain single 4 e rest of my life... i dun want tt! argh! i hate e feeling of being single... everywhere around me, i see lovey-dovey couples holding hands, smooching n doing god-knows-what... i hate it... it makes me wanna smash something... sigh... now i'm being violent... man, i hv nothing 2 look forward 2 these days.... SIGH.... my life sucks... bigtime... urgh... i keep complaining n moaning n bitching abt my life these days... i guess it'll only stop when a guy comes along 4 me... so until then, everyone juz has 2 put up with me... too bad... like i wanna subject everyone 2 this torture... it's not my fault...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 5:46 PM
Friday, May 06, 2005
i'm moving on... leaving bad memories behind...
i think i'm finally moving on... n i hv 2 say it feel great... i dun hv such a heavy feeling in my heart now... i stayed home 2day... a little sick... mom was so nice... she stayed home all day juz 2 take care of me... it felt nice not 2 do anything 4 a day... i woke up at 7am, felt ill, then went back 2 sleep n only woke up at 12.30pm... i guess this is god's way of telling me my body needs a rest badly... well, e rest sure did feel good... i feel much better... sigh... but seeing how i hv stay back in sch 4 e dumb track & field meet, it juz makes me wanna scream... why they must force everyone 2 stay back i dunno... wat a bloody waste of time... anyway... i've downloaded some songs now... i'm juz afraid e program is illegal... dad'll kill me... so i deleted it already... sigh... sometimes i wish i was rich... as in filthy rich, like queen elizabeth or something... but then again, i dun think i wld be happy... i'd rather be happy than rich... i mean, look at e celebrities... they hv fame n fortune... but they get their personal life splashed across e papers cos it's entertainment... i dun think hving ur privacy invaded is very fun... well, i think i better go now... getting sleepy... ciao!
cheryl [I`m in love.] 12:29 AM
Thursday, May 05, 2005
it's a beautiful day...
2day i left sch early... cldn't take it anymore... i was so damn tired... plus all e teachers were so boring it was deadly... well, at least 2day was a little better than yesterday... but i still haven't fully recovered frm yesterday's torture... sigh... i wish it was e weekend already... I NEED SLEEP!!! i'm seriously deprived of precious sleep... every single minute, no, second, counts... i even fell asleep in e polyclinic when i went 2 see e doctor 2day... can u believe tt? but e gd thing was tt i got 2 spend some time with my mom... my mom's been really great lately... she's been so supportive, caring n loving, i feel so guilty if i fail 2 make her proud n happy... i feel like i hv 2 prove myself... sigh... i really hate working so hard n feeling tired right down 2 my bones... but wat can i do? i mean, at e end of e day, all tt matters is tt i get things done well, make my family proud n myself happy... well, i guess it al boils down 2 determination n concentration... but i guess if u're so tired, u r excused 2 rest 4 abit right? alright, on 2 happier stuff... i'd juz like 2 say, thank u xavier, thank u! finally, u opened ur eyes n u can understand at last... okie... tt's it... anyway, gtg now... gotta catch up on some long overdue sleep...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 12:02 AM
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
screw this life... wish i cld run away frm this mess...
when i said life wld get better, i meant eventually... but eventually feels like an eternity... i dunno how much more of sadness i can take... let's see now... currently, my list looks something like that:
1. didn't get e sci research attachment placement
2. didn't get 2 compete in 100m race 4 track n field meet
(kinda my fault since i nvr turned up 4 e heats)
3. had a ton of stuff 2 do in sch 2day
4. majorly screwed up bio test 2day
(plus i feel so guilty since mom's been so supportive n caring)
5. had 2 rush my pw pi b4 10pm
6. had 2 write a speech 4 tmr's biz club exco thingie
(vying for post of Finance Director)
(seriously regretting now cos i feel so stressed out frm so many things 2 do...)
(but still pressured 2 give it my best shot so as not 2 disappoint every1 i love)
(SIGH...)
7. i feel horrible actually... falling sick...
8. i miss my best fren... all my old frens...
9. i hvn't finished most of my hw (SHIT...)
oh well... tt's all i can think of now... still plenty more... i think e list goes on till abt 496... n counting... sigh... i seriously am regretting going 2 a jc... e work is juz killing me... i feel like crying now... i need 2 talk 2 someone... but everyone's so busy with their own stuff... my mom's so busy teaching my bro chi 4 his upcoming 'O's... my frens r too busy 2 bother abt me... i'd call mei ying, but i dun wanna disturb her at such a time... since she's going thru hell herself... e last thing i'd want is 2 bother her with all my rubbish... sigh... i think i better go now... gotta force myself 2 study... sigh... ciao...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 11:40 PM
Monday, May 02, 2005
i got a new hp!
finally... i got my new hp... well, it's not exactly wat i wanted but at least it's better than nothing... anyway, e point of me blogging 2day is 4 a very special fren... 2day's blog entry will be dedicated 2 none other than mei ying, my dearest best fren...Take A Minute Girl Come Sit Down
And Tell Us What's Been Happening
In Your Face I Can See The Pain
Don't You Try To Convince Us That You're Happy
We've Seen This All Before
But He's Taking Advantage Of Your Passion
Because We've Come Too Far
For You To Feel Alone
You Don't Let Him Walk Over Your Heart
I'm Telling You
Girl, I Can Tell You've Been Crying
And You Needing Someone To Talk To
Girl, I Can Tell He's Been Lying
And Pretending That He's Faithful And He Loves You
Girl, You Don't Have To Be Hiding
Don't You Be Ashamed To Say He Hurt You
I'm Your Girl, You're My Girl, We're You're Girls
Want You To Know That We Love You
See What You All Don't Know About Him
Is I Can't Let Him Go Because He Needs Me
It Ain't Really Him It's Stress From His Job
And I Ain't Making It Easy
I Know You See Him Bugging On Me Sometimes
But I Know He Be Tired He Don't Mean It
It Gets Hard Sometimes
But I Need My ManI
Don't Think Ya'll Understand
Girl, I Can Tell You've Been Crying
And You Needing Someone To Talk To
Girl, I Can Tell He's Been Lying
And Pretending That He's Faithful And He Loves You
Girl, You Don't Have To Be Hiding
Don't You Be Ashamed To Say He Hurt You
I'm Your Girl, You're My Girl, We're Your Girls
Want You To Know That We Love You
Girl, I Can Tell You've Been Crying
And You Needing Someone To Talk To
Girl, I Can Tell He's Been Lying
And Pretending That He's Faithful And He Loves You
Girl, You Don't Have To Be Hiding
Don't You Be Ashamed To Say He Hurt You
I'm Your Girl, You're My Girl, We're You're Girls
Want You To Know That We Love You
Girl, Take A Good Look At Yourself
He Got You Going Through Hell
We Ain't Never Seen You Down Like This
What You Mean You Don't Need Our Help?
We Known Each other Too Well
Girl, I Can Tell You've Been Crying
And You Needing Someone To Talk To
Girl, I Can Tell He's Been Lying
And Pretending That He's Faithful And He Loves You
Girl, You Don't Have To Be Hiding
Don't You Be Ashamed To Say He Hurt You
I'm Your Girl, You're My Girl, We're You're Girls
Want You To Know That We Love You
Girl, I Can Tell You've Been Crying
And You Needing Someone To Talk To
Girl, I Can Tell He's Been Lying
And Pretending That He's Faithful And He Loves You
Girl, You Don't Have To Be Hiding
Don't You Be Ashamed To Say He Hurt You
I'm Your Girl, You're My Girl, We're You're Girls
Want You To Know That We Love You
mei ying, i hope u feel better... it really saddens me 2 hear u so sad n miserable (since i can't see u over e phone)... cheer up k? i'll be here 4 u always... all u need 2 do is call (or msg)... ok? pls be happy again... my heart breaks when i hear u crying...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 7:41 PM
i'm so goddamn tired... my life is hell...
honestly, i dunno why i feel so tired... oh, let's see... maybe it's cos of e bloody freakin bio test?! man, my eyes juz feel like they're bulging out of e sockets... maybe one's falling out soon... i can feel it... i yawn every few seconds (u guys r probably doing tt as u're reading this)... n e greatest joke is, i hvn't even finished studying for it! argh! god, i hate studying now... stupid teachers... yup, so i'm gonna continue complaining here until my eyes really do fall out... dun worry... i wldn't be so evil (like certain teachers) as 2 let everyone endure my complaining... anyway... my day basically sucked... boring like shit... my parents hounding me... my lame excuse of a brother (why he was even born is a complete mystery 2 me)... i am so goddamn mean 2day... i'm juz really cranky... maybe i'll be nicer tmr... but, u noe wat? then again, maybe not. i'm juz too freakin tired. or maybe i'll be nice. or not. ok i'm juz gonna stop doing tt now... right... i'm just gonna go subject myself 2 more torture (aka studying)...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 1:49 AM
