Wednesday, June 29, 2005
freedom from repression
at last! exams r over! woo-hoo!!! screwed up e maths paper (wat's new, huh...?)... went home straight after e paper... took my 1st bus ride in weeks... usually mom always wants 2 pick me up... dunno why... want 2 save petrol 4 her but she always wants 2 fetch me frm sch... sigh... anyways... wanted 2 go cut hair but decided not 2 in e end... too lazy... passed by aunty's hse so decided 2 borrow her brown sandals with e turquoise stone 2 wear 2 orchard... then went home n washed up... had terrible gastric pains... cos i didnt hv any breakfast n no lunch either... so i left e hse around 2+ to go orchard... met up with nelson cos pamela was late... sigh... he really looks so different... cuter... lol... he looks so much better now, wat with e change of hairstyle... not bad... pamela came later... sigh... dunno wat 2 write now... damn boring... bought a new denim skirt frm far east plaza... n a top frm mango... e very same blouse i'd been eyeing at mango isetan parkway... original price $25 cut down 2 $13... gd deal man... bought e green 1... cos nelson said it looks better on me... it was either e green or this dusty pick colour which was quite nice too... yup... okie nthing more 2 write... gtg...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 9:56 PM
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
major screwup... in deep shit...
three words. i am dead. so so super dead... screwed up bio paper ytd... intended 2 blog last nite but was in no particular mood... since i had chem 2day which was another total failure... i'm gnna fail like nobody's business... i hate my life... bio was totally sucky since i wasn't even prepared... only managed 2 remember a few chapters... omg i am so gonna fail... chem was slightly better... at least i knew wat e heck i was doing... juz tt i didnt hv enough time... cldn't complete e freakin paper... sigh... a huge sorry 2 dear lisa 2day... really feel very bad 4 venting my frustrations on u... i was juz so annoyed... cos this guy sitting nxt 2 me in e exam was like writing furiously, n there i was staring blankly at e paper... ppl handed in like 3 pages of full-written essays... me? a few lines... wonderful... juz brilliant i tell u... he was kinda pissed off 2day too... stupid chem paper's 2 blame... made me bloody depressed too... anyway, made plans last nite with mei ying 4 thur... omg... can't wait 4 tmr... FREEDOM FROM REPRESSION! at long last... my mugging days will be over tmr morning 10.30am... not tt i mugged at all... actually i dunno wat i've been doing my entire hols... completely wasted my time mulling over nonsensical things n juz going through e entire 4 wks with my head in e clouds... hee hee... u all noe e reason why... exams will be over tmr... only 14 more hrs... can u believe i'm sacrificing CSI for e stupid math exam tmr? can't stand it... well i hope all my work won't go down e drain... i really did try... not very hard, but at least i did try... sigh... alright gtg eat dinner now... ciao!
cheryl [I`m in love.] 8:26 PM
Sunday, June 26, 2005
no more of this... must focus on work at hand...
had a great time ytd... went out with him n a fren 2 study at starbucks... managed 2 study some stuff... they're like some kinda comedy act... really made me laugh... it really cheered me up... i've been kinda down recently, wat with all e bloody exams coming up... i felt so much better after tt outing ytd... sigh... i seriously dunno wat 2 write... blogging is so boring sometimes... i dun hv much 2 say... then why e hell am i here...?! ok... ciao...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 12:04 PM
Saturday, June 18, 2005
if u want me 2 wait... i will wait 4 u...
juz came home frm mei ying's bbq party... had a great time... finally saw cyrus (is e spelling rite? ah heck...)... ok, fine, he is kinda cute... but he is so bloody arrogant... wateva... n wat's with tt fake accent? he's a banana... (yellow outside, white inside... geddit...?) haha... better not diss him so much... later she'll kill me... hehe... lisa, guan n his best fren nick were there too... poor lisa... take care k girl... poor thing, so tired 2day... n dun worry abt tt thing bugging u... i understand... :p anyways... nick's a pretty nice guy... at least he can keep a convo goin... unlike some ppl who haven't bothered 2 msg me... not tt he must, but a msg wld be kinda nice... at least it wld show me tt u think of me... ah wateva la... i'm not supposed2 think abt him... haha... easier said than done... i really think he's some1 worth waiting 4... but it's juz tt i dun wanna wait so long... i've been waiting 4 a really really long time now... he really shld get a move on if he's interested... n if he's not, then he shld juz tell me n stop screwing around with my heart... i'm kinda getting tired of all these guessing games... it's fun 2 guess at e beginning, but after awhile it kinda gets boring n loses any appeal whatsoever... sigh... i guess i hv no choice but 2 wait... but i do wish he wld be a little bit faster... otherwise, i'll juz get tired of all this n move on...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 11:57 PM
Friday, June 17, 2005
time flies... really really fast...
i am so super dead... 2day i only did chem... only tuition hw which was supposed 2 be finished earlier in e wk... i'm in deep shit... sigh... haven't done a scrap of chi hol hw... i better get onto tt tmr... dunno where all my time disappeared 2... i can't believe i spent e whole day doing 2 chapters of chem, mcq only! damn... i think i'm gonna do majorly bad... i've put him off my mind 4 now... something a fren said ytd... abt how now is e time 2 focus n not let my mind wander 2 anything else... he is so right... well, i'm gonna take tt advice n try 2 put in 2 gd use... 1 more wk of hols... then doomsday... sigh... on a brighter note... goin 2 mei ying's bbq tmr... yay! get 2 see my darling best fren again! dun think i'll be able 2 stay long though... got tons of f***ing work 2 do... sigh... now i've resorted 2 vulgarities... oh man... my life is so pathetic... hate it... oh wat e heck... F***... haha... feel better now... okie... gtg now... got f***ing chem tuition tmr at 10am... it's inhuman, i tell u...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 11:43 PM
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
thank god 4 small miracles...
had fun 2day... ed taught me how 2 play pool... i play pretty well, 4 a beginner, if i do say so myself... haha... had coffee with charm, ed n him 2day... it went pretty ok... except tt he was really quite quiet... ed was great... he kept e convo going... at least most of it... he is so funny... haha... anyway, charm n ed found him quite nice... only charm kinda shocked me at e last bit by saying he was attached... my heart juz sank... then later she said he wasn't... i was a little confused... but overall, i think it's a gd thing, rite...? haha... he was really nice n funny... he n ed hit it off quite well... n here i was thinking tt ed might make funny comments n tt he wld take offence... sorry 4 hving so little faith in u ed... everything went quite smoothly... yay.... haha... altho it cldnt go on 4 awhile longer... all cos of dad... nagging me 2 go home... sigh... i still can't tell whether or not he likes me... i suppose he kinda does... cos i was thinking tt if he didnt like me at all, he wldn't even bother showing up... he msged tt he wld be late, asked me 2 go ahead 1st... so i was thinking, hmm, if he wasn't interested in me at all, he'd juz say tt he was busy n cldn't come - period... but he didn't... instead, he said, i'll be late, but i'll be there at 6pm... so i guess, there is a little somthing rite...? then at starbucks, he ordered this raspberry drink (i ordered caramel macchiato... mei ying's influence :p)... i asked him wat it tasted like... he said, like ribena, u want 2 try? so i said ok... i was thinking, maybe he was juz being nice, he didnt want me 2 drink with his straw... so i asked if i cld juz drink frm his straw... he said yeah... so i did... n he also continued 2 drink frm e same straw later... so there must be something rite... sigh... i dunno la... i dun wanna make a fool outta myself... cos if i assume, i'm afraid i'll make an ass out of u (him) n me... oh well...^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^mei ying... i'm sorry i upset u... i hope u understand tt i really didnt mean anything by tt... i cant really write wat we talked abt here... i dun wanna hurt any1... n i'm really sorry u feel tt way... i really care abt u... after all, u r my darling best fren... i want wat's best 4 u... if there is anything bugging u in future, pls juz tell me... dun keep it 2 urself... pls talk 2 me abt things... so tt i noe wat's wrong, n u will feel better... love ya lots.... hope 2 see ya real soon... so sorry i cldnt make time 4 u... i've been so preoccupied these days... but i sincerely hope everything will change 4 e better... dun worry abt it k...? love ya...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 11:11 PM
depressed... n it's not even him...
sigh... feeling kinda down these days... tried 2 study... but progress is really really slow... i dunno where all my time disappears to... sigh... i really must get on with my studying... otherwise my mid yrs will be a real goner... sigh... something's been bugging me a lot... it's mei ying... my darling best fren... i dunno if she still regards me as 1... but i definitely do... sigh... i noe she's really busy with sch now... since she's in poly, n me in jc, i'm having hols n she's hving classes... our timings really clash... so it's super hard 2 try n get 2gether... i'll be so happy 2 see her at emdd... but tt's a really long time frm now... sigh... it sux... i really miss her so much... i'm not being petty or anything... it's not tt i demand her 2 be at my beck n call every moment of e day... i visit her blog almost everyday... juz so i can be up 2 date with wat's goin on in my best fren's life... ok, fine she nvr seems 2 update her blog... but i did leave a little msg on her tagboard... but no, she didn't even type anything nice back... n there r plenty of ppl who visit her blog, n left msgs on e tagboard, 2 which she answered... so it can't be she didn't see... plus, she invited ppl 2 her bbq on sat... n she nvr mentioned it once 2 me... i dun get it... i'm not angry or anything... it's juz tt it really bites... it's all these little things tt add up n really make u feel really lousy... i really do miss her so so much... i dun think i'm asking 4 much, am i? i mean, we've been through so much 2gether... it's like ever since she got attached 2 gp n entered poly, she kinda changed... not alot, but enough so that it's obvious that there's something different about her... dun get me wrong... gp's a nice enough guy... n i'm not saying tt mei ying shldn't mix around n make new frens... but it juz really makes me sad tt our frenship has kinda faded... i really feel like we're drifting apart... alot... sigh... did i mess up somewhere? maybe i've been talking abt him too much... sigh... i wish i cld clear e air between me n mei ying... i really feel so depressed... i hvn't talked 2 her 4 days... i'm not being clingy or needy... it's juz tt i really miss my dearest best fren so much...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 1:31 AM
Friday, June 10, 2005
my heart...it hurts so much...
2day was a total letdown... ok, it did get slightly better 2wards e end... but still, it sucked bigtime... i am such a fool... sigh... i thought there was this mutual thing going on between us... i may be wrong... sigh... he hardly spoke 2 sentences 2 me 2day... whether he was shy cos there were so many ppl there or he jus plain goes not like me, i dun noe n nvr will... i was suffering... n i really tried hard 2 get his attention... sigh... i had 2 endure watching tt girl blatantly flirting with him... e worst thing was, he didn't even try 2 avoid it... he juz continued... oh god... i was fuming inside... but wat 2 do? it was pure torture, watching her flirt with him so obviously... i wanted 2 throw her in2 e sea... i'm so confused... i mean, does he like me or not? worse still, does he like her or not? i mean, he reacts 2 her, n he talked 2 her so much 2day... he practically treated me as invisible... i can't believe it... i mean, he did say he didn't like her... i wldn't expect him 2 tell her 2 piss off, he's such a gentleman... but still... there was an up point 2day all e same... i was sitting alone at e stone bench some distance away frm e bbq pit, brooding abt things... then i was joined by a few frens... later he came over n even brought me a drink... tt was really sweet of him... then he sat down nxt 2 me... it was cool... but then more ppl joined us... i wanted some alone time with him... sigh... but, obviously, as u all must've guessed, it was not meant 2 be... sigh... i kept walking up n down e beach alone, thinking abt stuff... it's like he's blowing hot n cold... sigh... i really dunno wat he's thinking... i really wish he'd be a little bit less lukewarm... sigh... i am gonna cry myself 2 slp 2nite... or maybe i won't even be able 2 slp... if he ever hears tt i cry, he'll probably think i'm some kind of weakling with no backbone who's juz too emotional... cos he's such a macho guy... emotions n stuff like tt probably freak him out... sigh... my heart is really so painful now...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 12:17 AM
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
if this is a dream, pls, dun wake me...
oh god... i had such a great nite yesterday... i invited him 2 my srjc class bbq... at 1st he said he'd go, then abt an hr b4 i left 2 go 2 downtown east chalets, he msged n said he wasn't going... told me 2 enjoy myself... i panicked... i mean, how'd u expect me 2 enjoy myself when u 1st say u're going n then suddenly change ur mind!? so anyway, i told him i really wanted him 2 go, so he said ok, he'd try... i was still feeling kinda down, cos i kinda expected him 2 say tt he wasn't goin after all... then at abt 9pm, i asked if he was still coming... i tell u, my heart missed a beat when my phone vibrated... he said he was! i was over e moon! so i went out 2 meet him, which took a considerably long time, since there was miscommunication...so anyway, i found out he actually parked his bike at white sands n ran all e way 2 downtown east! it's totally crazy but it was so incredibly sweet! sigh... he's juz e greatest... anyway, when we went back 2 e chalet, my frens were all there n they kept poking fun, which was really annoying... they all thought he was my bf... haha... i wish... but he hasn't said anything abt it yet, so i'm juz gonna wait... wat choice do i hv? i dun wanna put any pressure on him n besides, i respect his decision... ok, this is gonna be really long-winded... but i juz can't resist giving a total report... i still got my head up there in e clouds... sigh... anyway, my friends made me so embarrassed i wanted 2 run away... we kept insisting we were juz frens... then jun kai juz had 2 open his big fat mouth n say "where got ppl come all e way juz 4 a fren one..." i so wanted 2 kill him! but i nvr thought abt tt way... so it got me thinking... maybe he does like me, a little, if not a lot... haha... wishful thinking i noe... ok, moving on... then we sat down at 1 of those stone bench things n started talking... my dumbass frens put 2gether some harebrained let's-pretend-2-take-a-photo-of-some1-but-actually-take-him-n-me idea... i wasn't really paying attention... (tell me, who e hell wld pay attention 2 her surroundings when her crush is rite nxt 2 her?) but he knew wat they were up 2... so haha... they didn't get wat they wanted... but i wa s sitting with my legs curled up on e bench, so i didn't move, but he did... god he was quick... i really wanna slaughter those so-called frens of mine... then we decided 2 go 4 a walk... at tt point, i asked him if he liked tt girl... he said no n went on 2 diss her... i was laughing my head off... so happy... turns out tt he doesn't like her... at all... haha... then he asked me if i wanted 2 go 2 e beach... so i said ok... we chatted as we walked, n when we reached pasir ris park it was so dark n spooky... i was quite scared... but his presence there was really quite comforting... we reached e beach n i really wanted 2 sit down, but my idiot of a father juz had 2 msg "r u done yet?" i was so disappointed... then i walked nearer to e water n he said " don't go so near... if u fall in i cannot save u..." i was laughing... "u mean u can't swim?" then he said "no la... u wearing black... cannot see u..." haha... ok i noe, u guys r probably cringing cos y'all find it lame... but i thought it was pretty cute... ok now u guys think i'm lame... but who cares? i like this guy... so later we were walking back n i said i was gonna go off soon already so since he was gonna hv 2 walk all e way out n it was getting late, he didn't hv 2 follow me back 2 chalet again juz so i cld get my bag... but he mumbled something i cldn't really hear... something abt me getting kidnapped or dunno wat... i didn't really hear wat he said, but it made me feel all warm inside... i mean this guy cared 4 me enough 2 make sure tt i was ok until my dad came 2 pick me up... sigh~... i feel great...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 11:35 PM
Sunday, June 05, 2005
i hate schoolwork!!!
had such a long day 2day... so bored... sick of studying... sigh... e only thing tt kept me alive was e thought of him... sigh... he only msged me at nite... i am getting so lazy... didn't do situps yesterday... was supposed 2 go jogging 2day but ended up falling asleep... why did my bed hv 2 look so inviting? sigh... i really feel so lazy... plus, tmr i'm going 2 this bbq... it's a gathering with all my old 1s21 classmates frm srjc... it'll be so cool 2 see them all again... but e thought of all tt food... oh man, i am gonna put on so much weight... i better watch it... i've been eating too much chocs n nuggets n fried stuff already! need to watch my weight for emdd! haha... :p
cheryl [I`m in love.] 10:38 PM
menopause makes women yell...( my mom must be super menopausal...)
ok this is gonna be a real short n sweet entry cos it's late n i'm getting sick so i need 2 sleep pronto... anyway... he is such an incredibly sweet guy... he msged me such a nice msg... i hope it means wat i think it means... sigh... 2day was kelvin's bday... yesterday was my dad's bday which i totally 4got... i didn't mean to... it's juz tt i was so busy tt it slipped my mind... wat a horrible daughter i am... sigh... i'm telling u, mom is getting so freakin' annoying these days... she used 2 be so supportive... i thought she'd changed... well, i guess i thought wrong... sigh... she yelled at me 4 watching tv... n i barely even watched 15min of my dvd... wat's wrong with her?! n this afternoon she juz had 2 pick a fight with my dad on e way home frm picking me up frm tuition... n when i tried 2 pacify her, she turned around n yelled at poor old me, who had absolutely nothing 2 do with everything! argh! it is so not fair... she even called me stuff tt i can't even write here... tt's how bad it was... oh man, i wish i cld juz run away frm home... but i've got nowhere 2 run 2, no one 2 run 2... sigh... my life is so so so pathetic... it's not even worth living sometimes... sigh...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 1:04 AM
Friday, June 03, 2005
how to express e way i feel...
oh god... if i cld only put into words wat i'm feeling now... e feeling is juz indescribable... he talked 2 me 2day... actually sat down nxt 2 me n chatted with me whilst i was waiting 4 mom 2 pick me up frm sch... ok fine, it was only 4 like 10min... but still... i noe wat y'all must think when u read this... she's such an immature idiot, she's making such a big deal out of absolutely nothing... blah blah blah... whatever... i love e way i'm feeling rite now... all my worries juz disappear when i see him... he's not exactly brad pitt, but he's juz so endearing... everytime i think of him, i feel a tug at my heart n i get this squirmy feeling in my stomach... sigh... i hope everything works out fine... rite now, i'm happy... ~sigh...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 10:37 PM
Thursday, June 02, 2005
i did it... n i'm proud of myself... at least i tried...
well... abt tt mistake i didn't wanna commit again? guess wat... i did it... again... but at least this time, it wasn't a definite no... at least i didn't ge t a slap in e face... it was neither a yes, nor a no... so i guess there's a possibility... but mei ying really scared me... i hv completely no idea wat he likes, other than certain types of food he eats... but other than tt, i'm totally clueless... he's so sweet... he gave me chocs 2day... ok fine, e chocs were melted, but still... it was so totally rockin'...! sigh... i really want him 2 see tt i'm e one 4 him... but how... i really must take notice of wat he likes n wants... then i can surprise him with it... i dunno how i'm gonna go about doin this... but i'm darn well gonna do it... i dun care if it kills me or not... sigh... i'm fighting a losing battle against my body... i'm trying 2 get my extra fats at my waist 2 go away but they juz seem 2 loove me so much, they refuse 2 get lost... i've been doing exercises to try n build up abs n tone my body but none of them seem 2 hv any effect... my fats still exist... sigh... i'm feeling so depressed again... wat 2 do, wat 2 do... sigh...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 9:33 PM
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
pls god... show me a sign...
tt's it... i'm gonna flunk my exams 4 sure... i can feel it... i seriously need help... sigh... there's only 1 thing sustaining me now... e thought of him... unfortunately, i can't feel e full happiness of things, since he hasn't expressed his feelings n i'm definitely not making e same mistake again n telling him how i feel... i need 2 noe! argh! i'm dying here... i shld be concentrating on my work, but i can't! my thoughts keep straying 2 him... i can't help it... argh! if only he wld juz come rite out n tell me exactly wat he feels... i hate these guessing games... my frens (at least those who noe) all tell me tt he obviously likes me... but i need 2 hear it frm e horse's mouth b4 i believe tt... come on man! tell me! i'm dying 2 tell him how i feel but i'm so afraid of rejection again... sigh... pls, god... pls pls pls make him see tt i'm waiting... pls make something good happen fast... i really really am praying with all my heart n soul... i've been waiting so long already... pls give me something good now... like let him say he likes me... pls pls pls...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 10:01 PM
