Saturday, July 23, 2005
broken up deep inside
it's not my fault. pls don't hate me.
cheryl [I`m in love.] 10:12 PM
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
sticks & stones may break my bones... but words can never hurt me...
many things hv happened these few days... in e midst of it all, i can see now who r truly my frens n who r juz e big phoneys... nthing will be said abt wat happened since sat... a whole chain of events took place one after e other... i've hardly had time 2 breathe.... i dun even hv a moment where i can juz step back n take a good long hard look at my life... wat has it become? has my life reduced till it has started 2 revolve around these things tt make my life a living hell? why shld i subject myself 2 such torture n torment... it is all self-inflicted pain... i've really been doing alot of soul searching e past few days... n now i really feel tt i need 2 let it all go... sumtimes i juz feel like i wanna run away frm all this madness... it's juz driving me nuts... i noe i say i dun care... but deep down, it really bites 2 noe tt ppl u thought were ur frens cld be so two-faced... i'm not gonna state any names... i'm really tired of all this... i juz want my old life, no matter how boring n mundane n dreary, back... period. i am getting sick of all e things happening 2 me... ppl can think wateva they want... i dun care... they're entitled 2 their own opinion... i dun give a fuck.
cheryl [I`m in love.] 11:11 PM
Friday, July 15, 2005
I hope and I pray... Waiting to find a way back to you...
bio spa tmr... super super dead... gonna die like nobody's business... my eyes hurt like hell... fall asleep everywhere i go... tt's how tired i am nowadays... sigh... wat makes everything worse is tt he ignores me totally in sch... as in treats me utterly invisible... for real... sigh... tt's wat makes me feel so much more down n depressed... but e past few days hv been slightly better... so yay... i can't wait for sat... sigh... pls let everything go smoothly... mom has been handled, pretty well, if i may say so myself... here's my plan 4 tmr (provided mom stays in e office) (n depending on whether i feel likeit anyway) :2.45pm go parkway
4pm cut hair
4.30pm buy sandals from charles & keith
5.15pm go home
if this plan can't be put in action, then it shall be postponed to sat, after pw clinic in sch at 9.30am... everything shld end at abt 11am... then i can tell mom i'm goin 2 lawrence's... then i'll sneak over 2 parkway n get my stuff done... my hair is absolutely horrendous... e stupid hairdresser at toni n guy academy cut e bottom in a straight line, so my hair looks super thick n yucks... i want a v-shape... then it will make my hair look thinner... so i'll probably go 2 tt shop at parkway... only $10... they're not bad la... went there b4... at least they didn't ruin my hair tt badly... alright, i gotta go slp now... my brain is not functioning properly... this post is taking twice as long 2 type out... cos i'm not thinking straight n i'm making funny typos... i'm so tired, i juz blank out suddenly n 4get wat i was talking abt... right... wat was i gonna do? oh yeah... go n slp... see, told ya...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 12:47 AM
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
long day...
josh groban's voice is juz heavenly... his songs r so inspirational... well, at least e ones i understand anyway... since most of his songs r in italian... but i love the tune n rhythm of the songs... so i hear e songs with my heart... i noe it sounds pretty stupid n weird... u wldn't really understand till u listen 2 his songs whn u're feeling down... anyway, my purpose being here is not 2 promote 4 josh groban... so moving along... firstly, patched things up with lisa ytd, so YAY! it's a huge load off my chest... at least i feel so much happier now tt i've cleared e air between me n lisa... had a horrendous day in sch... again, i was ignored, like a discarded piece of trash along a dirty alleyway... sigh... plus, it's now confirmed tt my mid yr grades r a triple flush... all Fs... perfect... i hate myself... i shld hv worked harder... but wat's e use of crying over spilt milk? so i've made up my mind 2 really work my ass off 4 e rest of this yr... i'm so tired n sleepy... partly bcos i stayed up til 4.30am 2 chat with mei ying on e phone... but i hardly see my darling best fren i dun mind sacrificing my beauty sleep... played tennis in sch during pe 2day... fun! pamela whacked e ball so hard, it actually flew all e way over e fence on 2 e opposite road... i had 2 run out 2 retreive it, otherwise we had 2 pay $2.50... haha... rushed 2 tm 2 meet up with mei ying... didn't even hv time 2 change out of my smelly pe attire... i must hv looked a mess... we finally got e tix 4 ballet under e stars 4 this sat... me, mei ying, guan n him r goin... we gave up looking 4 a 3rd couple, even though we had 2 forgo e 20% discount if u buy 5 or more tix... nobody seemed 2 wanna go anyway... so it's juz gonna be e 4 of us... how romantic... him behaving like a stone n me trying 2 get e stone 2 react 2 me... sigh... wat fun tt'll be... but then again... i can't wait...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 12:33 AM
Sunday, July 10, 2005
The Goddess of Roses and Love. You are a hopeless
romantic. Always optimistic and loving, you
have many friends and you are exceptionally
trustworthy. You are a innocent beauty.
Which gorgeous goddess are you? For girls! (breath taking pics!) brought to you by Quizilla
cheryl [I`m in love.] 5:35 PM
Neutral:
Harmony and balance is key. You don't look at the
world in a negative or positive way and you'll
never judge or assume a situation- you just
look at the facts. People like you are peaceful
and accepting.
What color do you see the world in? brought to you by Quizilla
cheryl [I`m in love.] 5:17 PM
I Am
Which tarot card are you?
cheryl [I`m in love.] 5:10 PM
Saturday, July 09, 2005
the search for an answer is met with a darker day...
mei ying's right... as usual... n she noes me best... i hv been obssessing abt him way too much... so it shall end... i like him... enough 2 go nuts with every little thing he says or does... but tt doesn't mean i shld become so stalkerish... tt is juz downright scary... so i shall put a stop 2 this craziness... easier said than done... but i gotta give it a shot... this shall be last entry abt him (or at least the last entry abt him until i completely break the habit of talking abt him all e time...) anyway... i've been feeling really down these past 2 days... on thur he didn't speak 2 me all... n he treated me like i was invisible... ok fine, i understand... maybe he didn't want ppl 2 think funny stuff, or maybe he was juz tired... but no... he kept talking 2 tt stupid girl... i was horrified... n she kept pushing her luck, by being nice 2 me, when all e time i juz wanted 2 wring her neck, not tt she even has 1... but i'm a lady, so i dun wanna soil my hands on bad rubbish... so i had 2 go thru e whole day, enduring watching them laughing n talking... n there i was getting more n more worked up... so my entire day was totally ruined... i went home feeling like i'd lost a million bucks... thinking tt he probably didn't like me at all... met up with mei ying n guan at lawrence's... great 2 see them... they made me happy again... then stupid guan msged him "why u nvr talk 2 cheryl?" omg... can die... then on fri, he actually asked me abt it! omg... i was wishing there was a hole in e floor i cld dive in2... i was so embarrassed... mumbled something stupid... but at least it got us talking... haha... u shld hv seen tt girl's face... she look so furious when i went n talked 2 him... haha! told him abt e picnic n tt he's gotta prepare stuff 2 eat... i wonder if he can cook... apparently guan can... haha... can't imagine... but ytd was entiredly surprising... i thought he wld keep emdd entirely 2 himself... but he actually said something abt it during lunch... i was so stunned... wat do u suppose tt means? tt he wants ppl 2 noe tt we went out? or he juz wanted 2 embarrass me? so does he treat me as a fren only or more than a fren? sigh... so many qns... where r e answers? i'm definitely asking him nxt sat whn we go out... it's my only chance... i dun wanna regret... so i'm doing it... 4 my sanity...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 8:05 PM
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
absence makes e heart grow fonder
1st day back 2 school... lessons start as usual... yuck. cldn't slp last nite again... dunno why... (actually i noe why la... but so embarassing 2 say la... haha...) only managed 2 fall asleep around 3am... crazy... woke up at 6.27am... e funny thing is, i hardly felt sleepy n tired in class... e weariness only truly hit me on my way home frm sch... when i was in e bus, i dozed off... reached home around 6.20pm... went 2 e new eastwood food centre 4 dinner with dad n kelvin cos mom had her usual monthly dinner talk... yay. e food there sux bigtime... not tt i even finished my meal... i ordered mee goreng frm this indian stall... i think e cook dumped a whole pail of red food colouring in2 e mee... it looked horrendous... like some kinda cow innards... gross... but i had no appetite, so i ended up eating only abt half... plus i was so preoccupied... do not ever go 2 tt place... they shld put warning signs around there 2 warn ppl of serious food poisoning... i tell u, yucks... trust me... was so tired when i reached home around 8.30pm... juz plonked down on my nice cosy bed n fell asleep... was supposed 2 slp 4 only 15min... slept all e way till 10pm... watched csi... then remembered i hv a ton of chem tuition hw i hv 2 post 2 my chem tutor by tmr... my eyes hurt. alot. bah. sch hasn't even started properly n i already feel so tired... sigh... i won't get 2 see him 4 another 2 days... bah. miss him... this juz makes me think abt him even more... n i juz realised tt i'm e only 1 who noes he's away... even his close frens dunno wat happened 2 him... so i guess, in a way, i am pretty close 2 him... tt's wat i feel... but he probably doesn't even think of me at all... unlike someone... it's official. i'm going outta my mind... wat e hell am i doing? he's not even my bf... i'm not even anything 2 him... wth... i hv turned in2 a psychotic idiot. great. juz wat i want.
cheryl [I`m in love.] 2:13 AM
Monday, July 04, 2005
words of wisdom...
happy fourth of july! right. i'm not even american. but still... hvn't been blogging 4 e past few days... life has juz dipped 2 an all time low now since thur... sigh... but he has been msging me a couple of times... i've been feeling quite down, no thanks 2 my mom yelling at me 4 unknown reasons... plus my bro can't be my ally since he's suddenly been struck down with e flu... sigh... my dad is juz in a plain bad mood all day long... again, my mom... not only tt, lisa's mad at me, which makes things 10x worse... i noe tt incident was mostly my fault... but i really do wish she'd juz gimme 20min 2 explain myself... sigh... so those little msgs, while seemingly meaningless, make me feel much happier... n i really thank him 4 tt... one such msg really made my day... "One of the nicest things in my life was knowin u & even if i dun have lots of msgs to send, i wan u 2 noe how much i treasure u since the day i knew u." ok fine, it's probably 1 of those forwarded msgs, but it juz makes me feel all warm n fuzzy inside... last nite, i was talking 2 him abt how unfair my mom was treating me this way... screaming at me 4 every little thing, especially when it's not even my fault... n he msged back "Sometimes we have to let go of things to move forward" n he told me not to worry n tt everything wld be ok in e end... it was incredibly deep... i mean, i dun usually get this kinda advice frm ppl... usually it's more of a "dun care abt ur mom la... it's ur life, not hers..." ok, if this advice came frm a girl, i probably wld've understood too... but coming frm him, these words r kinda surprising... he didn't strike me as e sorta guy who was such a deep thinker... come 2 think of it, he really does come up with profound things sometimes... it's all part of his charm... :p i'm not gonna be seeing him e nxt few days cos he's busy with his own stuff... sigh...
************************************************************************************alright, this is 4 lisa... i dunno if u still read my blog... but if u do, pls pls pls try 2 put ur anger in ur heart 4 me away 4 awhile n call me or msg me... i really dun wan our frenship 2 be ruined... e reason why i feel e need 2 explain this whole huge misunderstanding 2 u is be cause i really treasure n cherish e frenship we share... remember wat happened in sec4? i really dun wish 4 another fiasco 2 occur again... it took us a really long time b4 we patched things up again... n i dun wan this 2 be a cold war again like last time... we're almost adults already... cld we pls try 2 work things out? everytime i pick up e phone 2 call u, i suddenly lower e phone cos i juz remembered tt u're mad at me... i really hate tt feeling... i really am extremely sorry 4 wat happened on thur... pls listen 2 my explanation... juz gimme another chance... pls...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 8:24 PM
Friday, July 01, 2005
life just can't get any better... or can it?
went 4 emdd ytd with mei ying, guan n him... ytd was e best nite of my life... if i cld relive last nite minus e yucky bits), it wld juz be absolutely perfect... ytd started out totally sucky... i woke up really late cos i was so tired... kelvin was calling me 2 go out 4 lunch at macs, so i had 2 wash up, call dad n rush out... so all in all, it took around 1/2hr to 45min... which is like really fast already... so anyway... mom called whilst we were eating n blew up at kelvin... he got fed up n juz clicked e phone off... which is completely understandable since it's mom here we're talking abt... so she decided 2 call my hp... but it was in my bag n i'd put it on e floor... so i had no idea she was ringing me... then finally when i saw my phone, she was calling... so i picked up n she started screaming at me on e phone... i wanted 2 do wat kelvin did too but decided not to... shld've though... she was yelling tt kelvin n i were a bunch of lousy ungratful b*****ds... i was so fed up with her... but i didn't wanna pick a fight wif her so i juz kept quiet... so when she slammed e phone down i told kelvin 2 hurry up n rush hm... so we ate in record time... when we got hm, i tried calling e office 2 explain 2 her... dad picked up n she refused 2 take my call... so i was like fine, wateva... later dad called n i explained e whole story but she still refused 2 talk 2 us... kel left 4 tuition n i started 2 get ready 4 emdd... n dad, of all things had 2 be out at a meeting when i called 2 say i was leaving e hse... by then i was already super late... so i thought i'd better talk 2 my mom so she wldn't kill me even more when i came hm frm emdd... she totally blew up... i'm telling u, i really hate telling her things... cos she nvr listens n she can nvr remember stuff i tell her... i juz told her e day b4 tt i was going 4 emdd n she even said yeah ok... then now she comes n screams at me...? like wat e hell?! so she kept talking abt stuff which left me confused n i kept glancing at e clock cos i was so terribly late already... then her final words were "i dun wanna talk 2 u anymore... since u treat everything i say as nagging, i'm not gonna talk 2 u anymore." then she slammed down e phone... i was damn pissed off... not only tt, she made me extra lateby preaching on phone 2 me... so i rushed outta e hse... almost wanted 2 take a cab but no, my hse juz has 2 be in such a secluded area where taxis do not come... so in e end i had 2 wait for 15min 4 e stupid bus 2 come take me 2 e mrt station... by then he'd already reached pasir ris where we were supposed 2 meet... poor guy... he waited almost 45min 4 me... all cos of tt stupid woman... so i had dinner at macs (again)... 5 nuggets... u noe, whn u're in love u juz do not feel like eating... trust me... u get tt feeling... u juz feel full all e time... until u get gastric... anyway...we left around 6.20pm 2 meet mei ying n guan at tanah merah... we were gonna take a cab 2 victoria theatre... e whole taxi ride, he was so quiet... i felt bad tt he wasn't involved in our convo... but later he seemed ok... when we reached victoris theatre, every1 was seated already so we didn't get a chance 2 mingle outside as was our usual custom... we took our seats, saw a few ppl we wanted 2 avoid at all costs... of course guan n him were a little confused abt why we were walking so fast... but we juz wanted 2 get 2 our seats asap so we wldn't see those ppl's faces... during e concert, we kept whispering n dissing some of e performances... e kc dance was superb... scary... created with inspiration frm last yr's tsunami on 26th dec '04... omg... can get nightmares... then there was a 20min intermission... we decided 2 leave halfway... cos e concert was super boring... we walked 2wards e esplanade... then went 2 royal sporting house... later we left 2 go 2 pacific cafe... fun... we talked n they all forced me 2 eat this disgusting looking chicken thing... but i wasn't hungry but he said "u must finish e whole thing... otherwise nxt time u ask me go out with u, i won't go..." right. so when he put it tt way, i had no choice rite...? lol... so i ended up stuffing myself n felt like puking at e end of it all... so we had 2 go grab a cab hm since it was getting late... n wat with mom being angry n stuff... even if she didn't wanna talk 2 me, i didn't wanna push my luck either... but no, e taxis were either on call or with passengers inside... sigh... we were abt 2 give up, when we were standing in e middle of e road... u wldn't believe it... he actually ran onto e road 2 try n get a cab... but no luck... it was really nice of him 2 try... so in e end, we juz went n took e train hm... i called dad 2 pick me up... he was in a bad mood all e way home... must be mom... she really makes ppl go mad... whn i got hm, i din't even speak a word 2 her... tt's wat she wanted rite? so fine, i won't talk 2 her... so i juz did my own things n went 2 my room... he was so sweet... he msged "if u need 2, feel free 2 call me... relax k... no use worrying..." tt was so incredibly caring of him... ~sigh... yup so i helped kelvin with some of his amaths problems cos he had amaths paper 1 2day... then i went 2 bed... i simply cldn't slp, try as i might... i kept replaying e nite's events over n over in my head... how we laughed n chatted... hmm... come 2 think of it, he really gets along quite well with my frens... i feel so bad everytime i can't go out with him 2 meet his frens... i hope it doesnt't affect anything... then he msged me at 1am, saying thanks 4 e nite... but seriously, i shld thank him more... cos he made my nite extra special... i was over e moon...************************************************************************************************ok now on to 2day... he was late 4 sch... i dunno why... he actually msged me... but i didn't switch on my hp since there was gonna be clao lc exam... so i had no idea... but he arrived juz in time... heng ah... i thought he 4got... cos he didn't even noe there was an exam 2day until i said so last nite... tt stupid girl who likes him kept staring at him... n saying stuff like "he's late again... always like tt one la..." wat e hell... like she noes him very well like tt... go n die la... so after e exam, he sorta turned slightly (i was sitting 2 seats away frm him in e row above) n gave me a half smile n i smiled back... so cute... he looked super tired... maybe he got home really late last nite... poor thing... so when we were dismissed, i thought he wld ignore me as usual n talk 2 tt stupid girl... but no... he came straight 2 me n talked 2 me... woo-hoo! i was jumping up n down inside... i thought he wldn't mention last nite at all, but he did... another yippee! lol... then we (me, him n pam) went 2 e study area where we juz sat there n rotted away, talking nonsense... then later we went 2 e library cos both of them wanted 2 check their email... n he wanted 2 show me some cartoon clip... which was really funny, cos i didn't think a guy like him watched such stuff... but in e end i cldn't watch anything either cos e stupid internet connection in sch is really screwed up... then later he left 2 meet his fren... i left slightly later... came straight hm n plonked myself in front of e tv n watched spiderman vcd... wat an anti-climax... sigh... but wat 2 do... if i go out, my stupid mom will kill me... when she came back, i obeyed her wished n didn't speak 2 her... then she grew mad... wateva la... i've had enough already... i'm already 17... i'm not 5 anymore... this is my life... n i'm gonna live it e way i wanna...
cheryl [I`m in love.] 6:49 PM
