Sunday, November 27, 2005
i'm leaving on a jet plane...
sorry i haven't been blogging for so long again.
been really busy and preoccupied with emotional stuff as well.
from the looks of it, my days are gonna be even more packed.
alright, first on the agenda.
i'm going away for vacation with my parents on the 23rd december.
we're going to egypt!
ok, next, i'm gonna be having a christmas party on the 9th of december.
so i hope that 05S213 has all received the message about it.
hope y'all can make it!
i'll let u all know the timing and my address by sms when everything's settled.
lastly, and most importantly, i'll be going to london in january to study at bellerbys college.
i'm really sad to leave my family and all my good friends behind, especially my best friend.
it's really exciting to go, but i'll feel really homesick.
i'll be all alone there.
so if i fall sick, i have no one to turn to.
i have to fend for myself.
if i have any relationship problems, i won't even have anyone to turn to.
i mean, there's still msn.
but it just isn't the same.
so this blog will be used as a form of communication as well.
please please please leave messages on the tagboards if u guys visit.
u have no idea how much that would mean to me.
**************************************
finally, this is for u.
u know who u are.
i don't blame u for feeling the way you do.
i probably would feel the same if u were the one going away.
please don't think of it as me abandoning u.
cos that is definitely not the case.
i love you unconditionally.
and you know that even if i'm not here physically, i'll always be there for u spiritually.
i know it's not quite the same, but i do hope u can try to understand.
i'm sorry that u feel the way u do now.
and i know that probably whatever i say, u won't wanna listen.
but it really saddens me.
but i don't blame u.
i never did, never will.
but just know this: i will never give up our friendship.
never.
i know i've hurt u tons before.
and my leaving is the ultimate last straw.
but i really hope that u will find it in your heart to talk to me before i go.
it hurts to know that u're avoiding me.
believe me, i never meant to hurt u.
but this is just something i gotta do with my life.
i know i'm being selfish for thinking that way.
but i really do hope that u can try and understand my situation.
for now, knowing that u care for me enough to feel this way, i thank u for that.
i'm not gonna say, and never will say, that this friendship is over.
because it never will be.
and i definitely will not allow it.
we've had good times and bad.
i want you to remember all the good memories.
i'll take the tears in this relationship.
because i don't want u to hurt anymore.
**************************************
cheryl [I`m in love.] 6:09 PM
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
knock yourselves out...
sorry i haven't been blogging.
a whole lot of stuff happened all at the same time.
plus, i haven't been in exactly the best of moods.
went to watch Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire at Orchard Cineleisure on monday.
brought my younger cousins.
never ever again.
enough said.
daniel radcliffe is hot! even though he's young. god, he is super cute.
the actors who played cedric diggory and victor krum aren't bad either.
and emma watson, who plays hermione granger in the movie, is blossoming into a beautiful young lady.
man, she is hot.
what i wouldn't give to look like her.
recently i've been facing alot of heat from all sides.
my mom's her usual self, snapping and nagging at me, finding fault with practically everything i do.
my dad's better. at least he bought me three tops on saturday.
- pale pink v-neck tee
-black racer back top
-white round-neck tee
my brother's a bloody pain in e posterior, acting all goody-goody around my mom.
and as usual, my mom, being e nitwit she is, sucks it all up readily.
like what the fuck.
i'm sorry, i really don't mean to be vulgar and diss my mom publicly, but i'm really damn bloody pissed off.
whatever happened today is just far too long a story to go into the delicate details.
i find that slowly, i have absolutely no one to confide in.
my brother is such a tattletale i don't trust him AT ALL.
my mom? FORGET IT.
my dad is far too busy.
my friends are all too busy or too preoccupied with their own lives to even care about mine.
so yeah, i have no one.
it's just me, myself and i.
oh joy.
there u go.
an update.
just as requested.
that's what i do.
i just give people what they want, even though i get nothing back in return.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
When you get caught in the rain with no where to run
When you're distraught and in pain without anyone
When you keep crying out to be saved
But nobody comes and you feel so far away
That you just can't find your way home
You can get there alone
It's okay
What you say is
I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
On my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day
And I make it through the rain
And if you keep falling down
Don't you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound
So keep pressing on steadfastly
And you'll find what you need to prevail
What you say is
I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
On my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day
And I make it through the rain
And when the rain blows
As shadows grow close
Don't be afraid
There's nothing you can't face
And should they tell you
You'll never pull through
Don't hesitate
Stand tall and say
I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again
On my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid
I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day
And I make it through the rain
I can make it through the rain
And stand up once again
And I live one more day
I can make it through the rain
Yes you can
You're gonna make it through the rain
-Mariah Carey-
cheryl [I`m in love.] 12:52 AM
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
feelin' better
life seems to be looking up now.
i think life doesn't seem like such a chore when u don't think about all the problems u've got.
had pw in school today.
xavier made the model.
very nice.
the group's gonna come over to my house tomorrow to fix it up properly.
it's kinda falling apart now.
went to SIM with my parents today.
probably gonna end up doing the business management course there.
it is so far from my house.
but the campus is really nice.
helped dad do some filing at his office before rushing off to meet my friends.
met up with zhiyi and freesia outside british india at orchard.
missed teck teng cos he had to go off to work.
they'd gone for jap buffet before i came.
thank god.
i am already so fat as it is.
went shopping.
it is not fun to shop when there are no sales.
i am such a cheapskate.
but there u go.
i'm a poor, starving student with stingy parents.
bought a green straw bag, a bronze bead bracelet, and a gauzy green scarf from hula &co.
far east plaza has lots of cheap, pretty stuff.
especially shoes!
i have a fetish for shoes.
i must go soon again to buy shoes.
i hope mom lets me go macritchie with the gang to jog.
i seriously need exercise.
i had to jump when i was putting on my jeans.
unbelievable.
cheryl [I`m in love.] 12:15 AM
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
pleading desperately
u call urself a good parent?
u would even deprive ur daughter her happiness.
what kind of parent compromises her child's happiness for getting her own way?
i don't believe it.
sure, i've flunked out of junior college.
sure, i've disappointed u.
sure, u don't get to brag to all ur frens with their clever kids and president scholarships about me.
sure, i've made the whole family lose face.
sure, i'm a loser and a failure in life.
sure, i'll never ever make it big, never ever become anything.
but it's not like it's the end of the world.
what really saddens me is that u're willing to trade ur daughter's happiness for getting ur own way.
is winning the argument so important to u?
will compromising do u any harm?
don't u see?
the more u try to restrict me, it's just gonna make me wanna break free of u even more.
it just makes me wanna rebel.
u just don't get it, do u?
by saying no to everything i want is not gonna help.
it's just gonna make me hate u even more.
sure, u probably have my interests at heart.
but is it really necessary to go about it this way?
seriously, think about it.
wouldn't everyone be happy if there was give and take?
i can't give too much, and frankly speaking, u're taking to much.
what exactly do u want from me?
i always end up doing what u want.
i never have any one thing that i can really call my very own.
i have no identity whatsoever.
is that what u want?
u never listen to what i say.
why?
cos u're busy bulldozing ur way into other people's lives, telling them what to do.
u wanna control everything.
what i wear, what i eat, who my friends are, even what hairstyle i have.
in that case, better get a robot daughter.
i don't like and will never like being restricted and controlled.
is it any of ur business what people wanna do?
it's their life.
like it's my life.
leave me to live the life i want.
don't make me run.
u gave me life.
don't take it away.
cheryl [I`m in love.] 10:44 PM
